In bizarre, nepotistic music news, it was announced that Jay-Z will be writing songs for an upcoming version of the play Annie, which will star Willow Smith and is set to be produced by her father Will Smith. This is, for all intents and purposes, the super-rich megastar version of buying your child a pony. As a child who wanted a pony but never got one in their youth, I took the liberty of rewriting some notable Annie lyrics in the style of Jay-Z. I didn’t use any swear words, because Willow Smith is hypothetically rapping these hypothetical lyrics.
Song: “Tomorrow”
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Original Lyric: “The sun’ll come out/Tomorrow/Bet your bottom dollar/That tomorrow/There’ll be sun!”
Jay-Z Rewrite: “Willow flow hotter than sun come tomorrow/I’m ‘bout a dollar/Holla, grab burner shot ya if I don’t see sun tomorrow.”
I envision this one as Willow’s “lyrical workout.”
Song: “We’d Like To Thank You Herbert Hoover”
Original Lyric: “They offered us Al Smith and Hoover/We paid attention and we chose/Not only did we pay attention/We paid through the nose.”
Jay-Z Rewrite: “They offered us Reagan and Bush/Pay attention, stop smokin’ your kush/Willow Smith addin’ dollars to my name/You fake/You fan fiction like cosplay.”
In my version of this song, Jay-Z both misinterprets the tenor of “We’d Like To Thank You Herbert Hoover” and knows about cosplay.
Read the rest over at NOISEY.
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