Is the ‘Cut Them Off Theory’ Too Harsh?

The New York Post recently coined the term as the “cut them off theory.” Or, as I like to call it, a healthy way of approaching dating. 

Basically, this refers to the action of cutting off anyone who doesn’t meet your needs—as soon as you notice the red flag.

Now, I’m not saying you shouldn’t give people the benefit of the doubt, nor am I telling you to be some harsh critic when dating. But if you notice some inconsistencies or inconsideration early on in dating, why waste your time? Odds are, it won’t get better as you get closer.

The article pointed to a viral TikTok video by content creator @heyphatty. In the video, the woman spoke about a recent dating experience that made her cut someone off pretty immediately.

“I don’t think there’s any reason too small to cut off a romantic interest,” she said in her video. “Last year, I was seeing someone that I really liked, and I cut him off because he didn’t wish me a safe flight.”

She went on to explain that the guy, whom she had been seeing consistently for about four to six weeks, also went the entire weekend without speaking to her.

“A big thing for me is consideration and general care,” she said. “I think I like a person who is very intentional with how they treat you because I am that way with people I love and am acquainted to.”

“I believe that, especially in the early stages of dating, if you get any kind of inkling that your needs are not being met, it’s fine to move on,” she added.

To cut them off or not to cut them off…

Many other people agreed with her mindset, commenting similar stories and sentiments. Most of them seemed to be women, so perhaps this theory is more popular among the ladies.

“He made himself a coffee in his kitchen right in front of me and didn’t make me one or even offer,” one person wrote.

Another said, “He texted me pics of the cookies his mom baked for Christmas. Then came to my house the next day without a single cookie. Bye.”

Okay, that one is diabolical. I would also break up with someone for not bringing me a cookie.

“Not being considerate and thoughtful of the other person is really hard to change,” a third person added. “To me, it’s like you either have that quality or you don’t. So, I totally agree with you.”

Is the cut them off theory too harsh?

I agree with the general idea behind this theory, but I do think some people can be a bit brutal in their choices to cut someone off. In fact, I actually believe some of this can stem from avoidant tendencies or even fear.

When we fear getting close to someone, we often can search for problems or nitpick a person to find fault. Then, we justify those feelings and sabotage the connection.

Of course, this isn’t always the case. I can agree with the content creator that someone ghosting you for an entire weekend when you’ve already established a consistent connection is a red flag.

However, I’ve also met plenty of people who take this theory a bit too far.

One Reddit user posted in the subreddit r/PetPeeve about “Cut Them Off” Culture, and the individual made a pretty valid point:

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s fine in some situations where you have a valid reason to, but in most cases, it’s a pretty extreme jump to an often incorrect conclusion,” the user wrote. 

They then provided some examples:

“The guy you like didn’t text you back in 0.5 seconds because he has his own life? Cut him off, he’s just leading you on.”

“Someone isn’t instantly available for you? Cut them off, it’s clear they’re not actually interested in you.”

“They didn’t blow their entire paycheck on you without you asking them to? Cut them off, if they wanted to, they would.”

“Just absolutist statements that often don’t apply to the multilayer situations of everyday life as well as a complete lack of empathy, understanding, and communication,” the poster continued. “This shouldn’t be normalized … I get some people are afraid of being let down, hurt, or made a fool of, but carrying on like this, you will find yourself alone in life.”
What do you think?