Last Wank Show In Paris

Like so many book shops and record stores, the social institutions known colloquially as “whack shacks” are shuttering all over the world in the wake of technological advances. While publicly Parisians might be shaking their heads and saying a firm “non” to Anglo-American cultural imperialism, in private they’ve found Spankwire and RedTube and are shaking it so hard that, of the plethora of options the urban masturbator enjoyed during the salad days of the 70s and 80s, only Le Beverley remains.

OK, so the headline’s not strictly true. Anyone who’s cruised gay Paris’ Pigalle district will have seen the streets lined with DVD wank booths, a more individualised, less civilised way to get off in public than the experience offered by Le Beverley, which is a proper theatre that runs films reel-to-reel.

I’ve always thought there was more romance in the communal, though that may just be down to rosy-eyed nostalgia. As a kid I went to a co-ed boarding school, where I first learned how horny 13-year-old boys are from the muffled sounds emerging from rooms packed with hormone-ridden kids watching video tapes with lots of grunting and heavy breathing. (I initially thought the boys were suffering from terrible asthma attacks.)

I remember those days wistfully. Since then I’ve been amazed at the close proximity in which males will jerk off. And when they’re deprived of a regular means of emptying their sacks, they’ll do it at the slightest provocation – whether they’re too young to get it, too old, too single, or just hideously ugly, most of them won’t hesitate to drop trou and rub one out with a pal.

What I didn’t know (or rather thought was urban legend) is that some men, having abandoned all hope of real punani, will go sit in a darkened room and happily lend similarly fuck-dry strangers a helping hand. When I stopped by Le Beverley last week to speak with the owner, Monsieur Laroche, he told me that “In the dark men get closer and help each other out.” Apparently it’s quite common for his clients to tug or blow one another during screenings.

“Ironically I once showed a film with a gay blowjob scene, and the men stormed out in fury. They don’t think of what they do as a homosexual act, but more of a ‘love thy neighbor as thyself’ kind of thing,” he explained, while making me coffee and changing the reel from A Cunt Like No Other to Young Bitches in Heat.

Formerly known as Le Bikini, the cinema was created in the 70s. A member of the CNC (Centre National Cinématographique), all of the movies are shown on 35mm film, and the theatre boasts a classy viewing room with 90 old-school leather seats (each cleaned every night, Laroche assured me).

For a 12 euro ticket and a €0.60 pack of tissues sold at the counter, you can reside hand in crotch the entire day. Two films, changed weekly, are played back to back, encouraging you to take your time and make friends in the process.

“Most of my clients are at least 70, retired and lonely, so they hang out here the whole week. It’s like a second home to them,” Laroche said, explaining that since cafés have become non-smoking, it’s more fun for men to take a trip to his joint, where they can share a wank, a fag and a chat. People are pretty talkative post-orgasm, and Maurice told me that many of his clients like to share cooking recipes with one another after cleaning up. It’s nice to know the next time my sauce béarnaise flops I’ll have somewhere to go for advice.

But Le Beverley isn’t all lighthearted communal masturbation and culinary chit chat. Maurice remembers seeing one of his clients die in the cinema. A couple of years ago, two retired friends would meet once a week for a meal, followed by a trip to Le Beverley. One of the two died of a heart attack right in the middle of a screening. “He croaked dick in hand – that’s what I would wish for anyone. I didn’t check to see if he was still hard though,” he said with a giggle, adding: “It’s not death in Venice, but death at Le Beverley… not bad either, eh?

“I often worry about what is going to happen to all these men once this place closes.” Laroche pondered with a worried frown. If the rumours are true, Le Beverley could shut down at any minute. “The government taxes us more than any other cinema. Out of a €12 ticket, I get to keep €1.50. That is why all my colleagues have closed down their spaces.”

On top of that, the popularity of free sites like YouPorn, YouPlaisir (dubbed in French bin sûr), and the countless others like them aren’t helping. “There is something very sad and slightly selfish about watching porn on the internet. It’s like drinking apéritif all by yourself at home rather than going down to your local café,” says Maurice.

“Men are men, and they need visual excitement. That’s not going to change. The difference is that now you have seven year olds who know what ‘doing a fist’ means, because they’ve seen it on a cell phone.”

Maurice is a forward thinker who is trying to adapt to changing times. He also offers women’s erotic poetry readings, in which he gets actively involved, bringing in long tickle feathers or personally removing the performer’s clothes. His biweekly couples’ night is also a big hit.

“It’s become an institution. You’d be surprised to see how many American tourists stop by here the minute they arrive, even before going to see the Eiffel Tower – men are generally happier looking at their own Eiffel Tower.”

ALICE PFEIFFER